My mom is 4’10’’ and not even 100 pounds. My dad is 6’3’’ and skinny as a rail. Needless to say, I’m certainly not destined to be a large person. Sometimes I hate being a girl, due to the extreme emphasis that is placed on women’s weight. If a girl is too skinny, she has an eating disorder, but if she is too large, she cannot be beautiful. I have ALWAYS been teased and judged about my weight. I can remember back in first grade when my teacher weighed me in front of the whole class. We were doing an activity about tall and short, and she measured the tallest person in the class and the shortest. Then we learned about big and small, she weighed me and then herself. It didn’t bother me at the time, but looking back on it, that’s just the first of many experiences where I was criticized for my weight.
When entering high school I was almost 70 pounds. People told me I looked like a wet rat, while others just yelled at me to eat a sandwich. I thought things like that only happened in movies like Mean Girls, but apparently it happens in real life too! So by 10th grade, I became fixated on my weight. I loved having the ability to have control over that aspect of my life.
Anyways, long story short, I have always been highly aware of my weight…sometimes trying to lose, and less often, trying to gain. But now I am at a point, where I physically feel like I cannot put on anymore weight and it’s kind of scary. I keep losing and am only 1 bad day away from being in the 80’s again.
All of this to say, an eating disorder is a serious illness and is not something to play around with. I think that there are many illnesses that are stereotyped or less commonly accepted and that’s why I want to take this week to write and inform about some illnesses that are less common or less known about. The more informed we are, the better we can try to understand what people are going through, right?
So, some blog topics coming up this week include: eating disorders, cystic fibrosis, Lyme disease, depression, Lou Gehrig’s (ALS), Down Syndrome, anxiety disorders, diabetes, and of course dysautonomia. All of these illnesses are near and dear to my heart, as I have known someone with or lost someone to each of these illnesses. Can’t wait to learn more and share it with yall. Hope everyone is well.
Brooke
Brooke, I can relate so incredibly much to you...and I find you to be one of the bravest people that I know for wanting to talk about it all.
ReplyDeleteI'm 5'7, and in high school I dropped to 84 pounds. I was hospitalized at that point, and judged by absolutely everyone in my life, including the doctors treating me. The isolation that a person feels when being scrutinized for their appearance is so incredibly lonely, and scary.
I'm heavier than that now, but I'm still about 20 or 30 pounds underweight...which seems like such a gigantic obstacle at this point that it overwhelms me. Everything you just said hits home so significantly with me, that it breaks my heart that you have to feel it too. If you ever, ever want to talk about it. I'm definitely here to listen.
I'm sure you also struggle with the fact that people lay everything upon appearances, and if you do gain weight, they think that since "you look good", you feel good. But weight isn't what's causing us to be so sick. We have underlying physical, medical issues, conditions and diseases inside that are covered up by the way we look on the outside. Yet, the way we look on the outside always gets all of the attention.
Anyway girl, I'll certainly be waiting anxiously to read your writings this upcoming week. Thank you for being brave enough and compassionate even to do this. I admire you!
Hang in there, I'm always here,
Candice
Candice! Thanks for this. it's sad to know other people are going through this, but comforting to know I'm not alone! Do you mind if I put a link to your blog up when I do my best to talk about Lyme?
ReplyDeleteGo ahead, I'd be honored :)
ReplyDelete