Sunday, August 15, 2010

hole in my heart

There’s a hole in my heart. Okay, yes, both literally and figuratively. However these holes are very unrelated. Physically, my heart is flawed. I have an ASD, or Atrial Septal Defect. Basically it is a congenital heart defect where the wall that separates the upper chambers of the heart doesn’t close all the way. A hole. I already have POTS which makes my heart beat abnormally fast anyways, but other then that I really have no other symptoms. I meet with my cardiologist kinda frequently in order to check the flow and the strength of the heart wall, as well as checking for clots that might travel through the little hole.
Figuratively, I have a HUGE hole. I know it may seem dramatic, I know, but my dog died on Tuesday. It is so strange, everything reminds me of him. Being an only child, he was the closest thing I had to a sibling. He had been around through elementary school, middle school, high school, and almost all of college. He had been around through all of the hard times in the family and all the illnesses. It’s strange to not have to close the bathroom door when I leave. It’s weird to not have a big, brown lump at the bottom of my bed when I’m sick. I miss my Bailey. I think it’s a combination of missing my dog and the fact that all of my friends have gone back to school, leaving me home and very very lonely. I’ve picked up a good book and think I’m going to spend time drawing, reading, and sleeping. Haha. I hope you all are doing well. I plan on getting better about more useful blogging, rather then just whining and moaning.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

little girl, BIG world

Hi guys. I know I have been pretty MIA recently. Truth is, I have had a rollercoaster of a ride the past few days. I got pretty sick and ended up passing out and falling down the stairs. Needless to say, I've been pretty sore. It was also my best friends 21st birthday, so I tried my best to help her celebrate (and maybe overdid it a little I didn't even drink). So, I've been doing a lot of sitting at my computer and playing around online.
This may sound random, but trust me, it ties in eventually...but I have recently had the pleasure of meeting and talking to Sophia Bush. She is an AMAZING woman with such a strong spirit and desire to make this world a better place. I have always been strong in my beliefs, but Sophia has really taught me to not just think on these beliefs, but ACT on them as well. A few big things that have really been big in my life, or some things that I am very passionate about include the oil spill and cleanup in the Gulf, as well as The Ronald McDonald House organization. Soph is VERY passionate about the gulf and is even training for a half marathon here in Wilmington in November to raise funds.
So basically, what I'm getting at is that even though I may be stuck on a couch or in bed because of my illness, I can still make a difference in this world. One of the things I desire the most is to change this world for the better. I think that it is one of the COOLEST things in the world to be a part of something bigger than yourself. No matter how big, small, tall, short, old, young, sick, or healthy you are, YOU can make a difference. How cool is that?? I would love to do a benefit CD or concert, or something like that. Just brainstorming some ideas. I hope that the inspiration that Sophia's provided me can be passed on to you guys!

For more ways to help, check out You can also collect pop tabs and mail them in to the local Ronald McDonald House to help chronically and seriously ill children and their families!

Love to you all!


Monday, August 2, 2010


Hey guys. I am the worst blogger ever, I haven't updated in a while. I've been so busy, I feel like my head is spinning in 70 different directions. I worked on the set of One Tree Hill last week for 13 hours each day. Apparently, that's not something someone with POTS should really do. haha. I have off work until Thursday though, so hopefully that will be enough time to catch up. I'm a very stubborn person and don't like to limit or restrict myself, so since being diagnosed with POTS I have been working on seeing and accepting my limits. Right now I'm at the stage where I see my limits, I see the line I shouldn't cross...but I haven't quite gotten the acceptance part, I still cross that line and wonder why I feel like crap the next day.
It will all be worth it when my episodes air on the CW in September? probably not. but for now I'm having fun and doing as much as I can (and more)!

Hope you all are well. I really am super thankful for a community of people who are so understanding. Praying for you all.